Amy and Dan, both
only children who never
learned how to share stuff.

Discover maybe
they should have dated more than
three months before vows.

But being “later
in age” and most of their peer
group already wed.

Left them both feeling
desperate and needy. They
cling to each other.

But that ‘no sharing’
thing escalates fast, starting
after honeymoon.

It starts with the bank
accounts. They keep the money
apart, no joint funds.

Or looking at each
other’s balances. Amy
pays Dan monthly rent.

They split restaurant
and grocery tabs. Speaking
of food, things get worse.

Dan has been eating
Amy’s cereal. She thought
he liked to eat eggs!

She retaliates
by buying Cap’n Crunch. It
tears up his whole mouth.

Dan’s rooftop so raw,
he surrenders and eats eggs
for breakfast again.

Then *gasp* Amy starts
using Dan’s razor. I mean,
it IS a 5 blade.

They are sick of the
sharing and file for divorce.
Split their belongings.

Should be easy but
there is one item they can’t
seem to agree on.

A yellow, outdoor
wicker chair that they received
as a wedding gift.

Amy sat on the
right side and read love novels
and celeb gossip.

Dan sat on the left
side and either worked or read
The Economist.

A ruthless wicker
custody battle ensues.
Ends with violence.

Dan slashes the chair
in half with a chainsaw (he
loves horror movies).

They each take their own
side and go their separate
ways. They’re heartbroken.

Amy goes to a
therapist to get over
her sharing issues.

She does, and then meets
Will, who lives on a hill. But
Dan wants Amy back.

Too late, she’s moving
in with Will, who detests the
slashed yellow wicker.

He throws it curbside
because he has jealousy
issues. No more ex.

But he loves the lone
cushion and re-purposes
it (kinda girly).

A thief in the night,
Dan steals right side off hill curb.
Wicker reunites.